Would like to share something very special and personal today.
On May 1, 2010 00:24, exactly 7 years ago, I became a mom for the first time.
Even thinking about it brings tears of joy to my eyes.
My first baby is 7 years old today and I feel a really strong urge to share what has been happening in my life since then.
At that exact second she was born, previous me simply disappeared, evaporated, diffused, mistified, but it took me years to realise that.
Years to stop grieving that “before having a baby” me, to stop comparing myself to her and waiting to return to the pre-baby me.
Little did I know it was NEVER going to happen.
I mean it is sort of obvious, isn’t it, but somehow our society is built in a way that we are expected to get back into that pre-baby shape, get back to work, get back to being our bubbly selves, get back, get back, get back…
Well, I am choosing to NOT go back today, but instead to go FORWARD and inviting you to do the same.
Transformation that a woman goes through during pregnancy, birth and the years to come afterwards is something that seems to me unacknowledged big time.
Well, of course, the whole family goes through a transformation with every single child being born. But today I would like to focus on a topic of us, women, and shifts we go through from the moment we start thinking about conception.
Despite having all the natural pregnancies and births, having a really supporting, caring and understanding husband I still ended up depressed, as it all came as a shock to me:
Shock that conceiving was not that easy and effortless;
Shock that the pregnancy was a really physically and emotionally demanding process;
Shock that my body would transform so much;
Shock that I had no control over the pain I was experiencing in labour and afterwards;
Shock that despite doing all the preparation, meditation, courses, reading numerous books, doing hypnobirthing etc, I still had a painful experience and it was not the type of experience I was envisioning with the baby just slipping out of there after watching some of those beautiful and easy births.
And most importantly, shock that there was NO pause button. There was no longer an option called: “I’m tired, exhausted, I’m done with this thing, need some time off.” None. Disappeared.
Shock that I had no control over my daughter’s feeding/sleeping regime and things that I used to take for granted like a full night sleep, eating at my own paste, taking a shower when I felt like it, all became the biggest luxuries for a while;
Shock that my daughter would get sick and no one knew what to do other then prescribing antibiotics and asthma medication with all those side efffects and zero result.
Shock that an extended family felt it was all normal and I just had to calm down and not make a big deal out it;
Shock that when the second daughter came along I felt I was still expected to be doing the same “get back to being normal” things with twice as many demands from two grumpy babies and even less time to process it all
And I was not handling it well.
That sense of helplessness and numbness was huge because the world was still going around that Sun, but I was NOT happy.
And most importantly there seemed to be no solution, so I just had to survive one day at a time and slowly keep further forgetting who that ME was anyway and a lot of frustration and anger accumulating inside because of that…
It took me years to overcome it, so today, as a Mother’s Day is approaching, I would like to put it out there, so that those who are possibly going through a harsh experiences of: trying to fall pregnant, pregnancy, birthing, motherhood hear the most important message there is:
Whatever you are going through is OK.
Not knowing what to do is totally OK.
Being frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, scared, worried is OK.
Whatever emotion and feeling you have at the moment is OK.
Allow yourself to just accept it.
And through that acceptance some of the most powerful healing becomes possible.”
In fact the WORST thing we can do is to keeep convincing ourselves that we DON’T have those emotions.
Then they become a problem. As they turn into suppressed emotions and they not only become so much harder to dig out to deal with, but can also lead to various sorts of mental and physical illnesses.
The best thing you can do is to write down on a peace of paper:
“How can I….”
and after that list all the unanswerable questions in your life.
For instance, you could right something like:
How can I let go of this hate/anger/sadness etc,
How can I transform this relationship with this person into a harmonious one,
How can I heal myself, my baby from xxx.
How can I find joy in my life again?
How can I have a 100% natural intervention-free birth?
How can I stop worrying about money?
How can I feel as a part of a community more.
Just think in terms of what’s important for you at the moment. Be specific.
You would need to write at least ten. If you can come up with twenty in different areas of your life, that’s fantastic.
However, even if you write down ONE that might be the biggest breakthrough for you, as by doing that you accept that solution exists and finding it is just a matter of time.
It is all really simple:
1) Just write it down,
2) Observe and “listen” for the clues and
3) Give yourself time. Most of the time it doesn’t happen overnight.
Something amazingly powerful happens, when we do that. It’s like sending a mental ‘pigeon post’ out there that will always come back with an answer.
I have had some of the most profound shifts happen in my life, when I did that.
I did write down all of the questions i had at the time and a lot of them sounded totally unrealistic.
My ego kept saying: “You are crazy for doing that. There is no way any of it can come true. You are dreaming. There are no answers to those questions.” I did not listen.
Six months later I not only got an answer and solutions to almost ALL of the points I had listed, and so much more.
I got that we are never isolated and that the world is with us in a constant communication. We just need to start participating in that conversation. To ask questions.
And then start listening, as in observing what is actually happening around you and act upon the intuitive glimpses.
Perhaps that means doing something you wouldn’t have done before.
Perhaps noticing if something gets mentioned by couple of people in a short time spam and looking into it.
There is always a reply. Always.
We just need to learn that language of the universe and start listening.
For me, I got them as someone accidentally inviting me to this fundraising fair, where I ended up finding information about a few tools a combination of which I am using really effectively every day for myself, my family, friends and clients to deal with all sorts of issues.
I got some more, when I finally went to the yoga class in my home town after someone mentioning it to me briefly two years prior to that. That yoga class eventually ended up connecting me with couple of really interesting and wise people, who provided me with puzzle pieces I was looking for at the time.
I just kept doing it – being unreasonable in trying new things and following the “clues” and it was working!
A year after I came up with that first list I came up with the new one. Well, to make things more complicated I was 7 months pregnant with my third daughter at the time, and some of the biggest birth and pain questions and fears were crawling up onto me. I simply added them all to the list as well and just kept working with the tools I had.
And a miracle happened!
I had given birth easily and painlessly to a healthy baby girl at 3:35 am on the morning of September. Caught her myself, while everyone else was asleep. Midwife made it 1 minute after that. I was on the phone with her throughout the labour and since I was completely fine and totally able to just breath/not breath through the contractions, she was not in a rush.
I had to use all of the knowledge I had gathered prior to that moment: which included using homeopathy, essential oils, flower essences, breathing and suspending the breath during contractions, intuitive body movement and shaking, getting present to the deepest fears of pain and not being able to make it and needing someone to come and releave that pain, and just shifting through them into a reality where they no longer existed..And it worked!!!
Something I was expecting to happen during my first labour happened during the third and it was the most grand finale of that chapter of my life.
Had I not had that first hard part of it, I would have never known what it feels like and it takes to overcome it. I just needed to give myself time.
A miracle happened and I healed myself from the digestive issues and concentration, memory and focus-related issues;
A miracle happened and my daughters stopped getting frequent colds;
A miracle happened and I found a course that allowed me in a year to get all the knowledge and experience to start my own practice of doing something that brings me joy, energy and sense of achievement and growth every day;
A miracle happened and I was able to transform my relations with my daughters from often being controllling, frustrated and even angry into loving, understanding and peaceful;
A miracle happened and we were able to resolve an issue in our couple relationship that we were struggling with for years.
A miracle happened and I learnt how to not be worried about money and generate prosperity;
I am certain none of those would have happened had I not been asking those questions and listening for the answers.
I am now asking the questions of how I can share what I learnt over the years and empower as many people as possible to ask questions and “listen” to the answers.
Will you help me?
Please, share, with anyone who you think might need to hear it or even better, anyone planning a baby, expecting, recectly had a baby or simply going through some sort of a crisis.
Cause all they need to hear that
“It’s OK to experience it. We are NOT given challenges we are not capable of resolving. We just need to ask and start listening.”
With love and healing,